the darkness of envy

A few months ago I took the enneagram test. And turns out, I am a four, which is the individualist. Within this test there are nine different personality types all together. Each type goes into deep detail of your inner personality. One of the topics that strikes me is my core weakness. And that would be envy. Envy is when you desire to have something someone else has, that you don't have. when I was reading over this weakness, I couldn't help but laugh because it was for sure me. Most of the times when I am down or upset it's because I have been comparing my life to someone else's and wondering why I am not them, why I am not there, and why I don't have the same things they have. Knowing in the back of my mind that everyone is at different walks in life. I wondered, does Jesus love me less and am I less special. You are probably wondering why I would think that. Jesus does love everyone. Yes, you are certainly correct. But it's a sin that I struggle with daily, and reading this helped me come to a realization how unhealthy I was living my life. I am not saying I am 100 percent better now. I am totally no where near that. I struggle and I have failed. But I am able to catch myself when I do it, and I pray about it or I talk it out with someone. "A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones." Proverbs 14:30. I love this verse because it shows what envy can do. It destroys you as a person, if you let it. Jesus wants us to have a loving and rejoicing heart. Not a heart filled with anger and envy. In Romans 12:15 it says, "rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." In this verse it reminded me to be there for others and love them. To be one with them and support them. Be in community and not in a place that is in envy. But like I said, this can be difficult at times, but that's the beauty of how Jesus conquered all sin on earth. He was tempted just like we are, so He understands what we go through on a daily basis. We can find grace and mercy through Him to fight the sin. When Jesus is working through us, we can overcome anything. "For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:18. When living with the sin of envy we can't build healthy relationships, but when we overcome it we are able to rebuild those relationships in the body of Christ. The body of Christ functions better when in unity, not in envy.